I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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