I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
