Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
