do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
