if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
