Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
