I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
