my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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