someone threw a dead crab at me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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