You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
