Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
