Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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