If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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