dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
