Do you still have your period?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry about my life...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
