The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
