apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sex in a hospital.. check
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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