K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
