Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
