New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
be right there i have to get my cape
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
