I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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