he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
