Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
