I just pynch a tree in the face
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
