I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
