she smelled like a LAN party
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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