He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
