I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
