Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
