frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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