did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
