wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
