So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
