just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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