Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
