based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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