those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
