What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
