i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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