i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
