I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
