Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
