was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
