so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
