I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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