I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
