I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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