I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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