If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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