so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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