I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
