9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
