her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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