When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
