I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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