I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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