I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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