I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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