i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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