i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize