What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
