So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
