I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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