Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
