i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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