I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
