Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
