He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
