I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
birth control should be required to get into college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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