i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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