She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
