i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize