Will you blow on my dice?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
