based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize