Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
