like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
